I'm so fucking centered right now
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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