Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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