I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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