So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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