I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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