Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
