Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
