It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
