she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
