What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
