Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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