last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
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I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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