Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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