You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
