I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I am spending my child support on dildos
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
