You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
