remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
