I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
