Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
