i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My liver just had a heart attack.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
