You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
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I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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