what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
