If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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