her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
