This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
