my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
