I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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