Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
