Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
