You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
