In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
