I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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