well you can't waste a boner
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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