Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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