Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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