tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
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I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
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I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize