just tell him i said nine months
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
