u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
