We're like a lot better than the average bears
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
