Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
