My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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