Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
