Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
