y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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