sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
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Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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