So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
