My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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