i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
