I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
