Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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