Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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