I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need to calm my uterus...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
