i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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