He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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