I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
