You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
