I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
