dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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