girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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